ESNG (AI Edition) - Dangers of Pride

April 24, 2017

Dear Readers,

  Many people have warned of the dangers of pride throughout the centuries. Few take to heart those warnings until it is too late. The recent events described in this article only prove this once again.

This story picks up following the exciting events of the AI 2017 Tech Olympics. Of the members of the winning team, the Mean Machine, one member, standing too high, was destined for a fall. Yes, I am speaking of Marc, that famous setup tech who brought home four medals from the April 22, 2017 games. Pride was oozing from his pores as he walking into the warehouse Monday morning wearing all four medals around his neck.

Pride, known to blind even the wisest of men, lead Marc to do his work still wearing his medals.

Too little too late did he realize his folly. A wise man wrote long ago that pride comes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. If only he had taken it to heart. The very medals, of which Marc was so proud, were his downfall…

Caught by his pride (and his medals), Marc’s short career as a setup tech at Applied Imaging was over. A wide format machine box was still available for his burial. When asked for a comment, Marc’s co-worker K. wiped away his tears as he assured me that they were tears of laughter and not tears of sorrow.

We caution all our readers to learn from the mistakes of others. Don’t let this happen to you.

Thanks,

Marc

ESNG (AI Edition) - Warning: Cannibal Bunnies

April 20, 2017

WARNING!! WARNING!!

  Perhaps you are wondering what danger could merit capital letters with exclamation marks. The following story will make clear to all ESNG (AI Edition) readers that this is no needless alarm. Read with caution, as the following story involves violence and death.

Finding the true beginning of any story is no easy task. Not wanting to wear out your patience, we will begin with a bunny.

This bunny was a happy bunny, but also a naïve bunny. This poor, unsuspecting bunny did not take time to wonder about the group of bunnies that invited him for dinner.

“Come on over,” they said.

“It’ll be a fun time,” they said with their smooth tongue-edness. “Ha ha.” The laughter rang as the bunny gathered at the table with his new, though oddly shaped, bunny friends. The invited bunny smiled the smile of the ignorant. He still didn’t realize who had invited him, or what was to soon follow.

If only he had measured twice and cut once. Alas, our simple bunny friend soon discovered too late that he was in the house of CANNIBAL BUNNIES!!! (Yes, there are three exclamation marks there.) If only he had used his head…

 …but now it was too late. The Cannibal Bunnies removed his head, perhaps to be used for leftovers, or perhaps for a special bunny-head dessert. In a short time, the Cannibal Bunnies could be seen enjoying their specially invited guest.

While it is clearly too late for our bumbling bunny friend to learn a helpful lesson, each of you, dear readers, can take warning. Beware of the CANNIBAL BUNNIES. If they invite you over for dinner, use your head, otherwise they may use your head instead – for dessert.

Thanks,

Marc

ESNG (AI Edition) - Secret Lives of the Setup Techs - Episode 4

April 18, 2017

To All Setup Techs Everywhere,

  In the last month, K. and Marc were exposed as being vampire-setup techs. They were lead to believe that Applied Imaging still had a place for them. Little did they know that it was all a trick. Their own manager was plotting against them, and would use his setup techs, one of them in particular, as his tool of betrayal. Wood stakes were carved by the very hand of their manager. Those stakes were then kept for an opportune time in the GR setup room by the oldest and wisest of the GR setup techs. When K. and Marc arrived Thursday, the day of their supposed team outing, they discovered that they had really arrived at their doom. It didn’t take long until…

…the deed was done. It appears that the vampire-setup techs are no more.

It is with sorrow in our heart and tears in our eyes that we close this episode of Secret Lives of the Setup Techs. This episode was brought to you by Kleenex, a company which wipes tears as well as noses.

Thanks,

Marc

ESNG (AI Edition) - Secret Lives of the Setup Techs - Episode 3

April 12, 2017

To all subscribers (willing or otherwise) to the ESNG (AI Edition),

  The secret lives of setup techs continue to be exposed. Since the time he first saw Marc’s face, B.M. has been searching the internet. “I know that face from somewhere.”
 

He knew that when he found what he was looking for, it would be obvious. After weeks of intense research, B.M. has finally uncovered Marc’s secret identity:

Captain Obvious.

B.M., being the upstanding manager that he is, didn’t use this information to blackmail Marc. He knew that the truth must come out. People have a right to know. So he emailed the picture so that it would be publicly posted in the warehouse in Novi.

When the intrepid ESNG reporter asked Marc for a comment for this article, he said, “Captain Obvious, now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time, a long time. Do I know Captain Obvious? Of course I know him. He’s me.”

Thanks,

Marc

ESNG (AI Edition) - Secret Lives of the Setup Techs - Episode 2

April 10, 2017

To All Concerned Setup Techs Out There (and perhaps a few other discerning readers of important information),

  Approximately two weeks ago, this very gazette (that’s what the “G” stands for in ESNG in the subject line) published an article exposing K.’s double life as a vampire and a setup tech. K. thought he could hide his secret, but the intrepid reporters of the ESNG always get to the heart of every issue.

However, since the time of that ground-breaking article, I have not been able to sleep well. A guilty conscience is a poor sleeping pill. So now I must come clean. I have a confession to make. The truth is –

– I am a vampire-setup-tech, too. It is with great relief that I finally confess this, as trying to live a secret life is such a trying burden each and every day.

I have already let S. know about this. She has been very supportive and has told me that as long as we refrain from biting co-working (and get fang-dulling dental surgery before the company meeting), Applied Imaging will always have a place for us.

What a wonderful company to work for!

I hope you have enjoyed this in depth and heart-felt report on the secret lives of the setup techs.

Thanks,

Marc

ESNG (AI-Edition) - Secret Lives of Setup Techs - Episode 1

March 27, 2017

To any concerned setup technicians, and others,

  This morning, K.'s secret life was finally uncovered, or rather unboxed.

It seems that he leads a double life - A setup tech by day and a vampire by night. This morning, those two worlds finally collided. Thankfully (for K. especially), Applied Imaging has a place under its roof even for vampire-technicians.

Sleep well, K., or should I say, Count K.

Thanks,

Marc

ESNG (AI-Edition) - Running Out of Gas

March 15, 2017

To all the setup techs out there, and maybe a few others,

  My cousin K. was over in Novi yesterday and today working with M. making deliveries. It was K. that brought me news of a certain setup tech (who shall continue to remain nameless) that ran out of gas Monday morning (it is possible that said unnamed setup tech had enough gas for normal weather, but the sudden onslaught of snow with its consequences to the road caused an abnormally higher use of gas).

K. finished the deliveries today around 1pm. Soon after that he said goodbye and headed for home on the West side of the state. Well, it seems too good to be true. Somewhere between Lansing and Lowell, not too far from M-66, he ran out of gas.

There he was, stranded on the side of the road. His family wasn't available until later to help him. Just as K. was about to call M.R. (the hero from Monday), who should pull over in his Ford Superduty pickup truck but James Robert Dunby. He offered K. a ride, so K. climbed inside. As they pulled away, K. almost jumped out of his seat as a large pink pig stuck its nose into the open back window of the cab and oinked a few times. "My friends call me Jim-Bob, and this here is my prize pig Lulu. I'm taking Lulu into town for her monthly manicure and pedicure." Of course K. asked, "Jim-Bob, wouldn't Lulu be getting just a pedicure? Don't you need hands to get a manicure." Jim-Bob's response of "What do you mean?" seemed to put an end to any further discussion on this particular topic.

Though the pig's appointment didn't provide unlimited time to help for Mr. Dunby, he still was happy to drop K. off at his house, which was on the way. He was so kind to K., that K. would not get out of that Ford Superduty pickup truck until Jim-Bob agreed to come by Friday for some smoked beef for dinner. It looks like K. has a new friend.

I am thankful for people like James Robert Dunby and like M.R. who see a person in need and go out of their way to help.

Well, that's done. I hope that you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed making it up. (K. did help fill in a few of the details of the event.)   ;-)

Thanks,

Marc

ENSG (AI-Edition) - HERO Award

March 14, 2017

To the setup team(s) of Applied Imaging, but especially to M.R.,

  My cousin K. is with us here in Novi for a couple days making deliveries with M. This morning he informed me that one of the setup techs from Novi ran out of gas on his way to GR for Ricoh certification training. (I won’t name any names.) K. then went on to tell me that one M.R. saved the day. He left the security of the distribution center to help a fellow setup tech in need. For such actions, I, a fellow setup tech, want to confer upon M.R. Hero Status for Monday, March 13, 2017.

I would also like to suggest that any setup techs that might be making a trip between GR and the Metro Detroit area this week might want to fill up their gas tank before said trip. Again, I won’t name any names, because I do not want to embarrass anyone.

Thanks,

Marc

ESNG (AI-Edition) - Novi Setup is better that GR setup

May 6, 2017

Grand Rapids setup team,

We wanted to show you how innovative we are over here in Novi. We recently set up a wide format machine, that came with two hand tools for installation.

As you can see from the pictures, we quickly discovered how to speed up the assembly of the machine by using our drills.

We’re happy to give you guys some tips if you are interested in implementing the same methods for your setup work there.

Thanks,

Marc